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Open Letter to Ikea

February 16, 2010

Dearest Ikea,

I have a love-hate relationship with you. I love your chocolate candy bars, but the picture of your meatballs served in the cafe look like they are made out of dog meat.  I love that you have 20+ cash registers; how come you never have more than three open?  I love the closets we installed in our house but hate that you didn’t tell us to pick up hinges for the doors.  I love most of the products you have but hate that the ones I come to purchase require me drive a semi to get the “flat boxes” home.  Besides my love-hate relationship with you, there are a few things that really bother me.

Your choice in carts is awful.  I know it might work for you in Europe, but here in the states, we like carts that drive straight.  Every time I leave your store, my right knee always hurts from trying to keep the cart from running into your strategically placed flat of glass pasta storage jars.  Again on the cart design, did you know that you can’t even fit a infant seat anywhere but inside the cart?  I thought you wanted us to shop?

Did you know that the quickest route from point A to point B is a straight line?  Obviously not.  You seem to be so good at putting a living room, bedroom, kitchen, and bathroom into 100 sqft but you can’t seem to find a better flow for the store.  Do you know how annoying it is to run into Ikea to get measurements for closets only to find yourself on a three hour tour, looking for an exit or register, behind an idiot like myself who can’t seem to drive…your dam carts?  No wonder you hand out maps at the front door.  Don’t forget your little pencil.

Oh, and one more thing.  Why don’t you warn shoppers at the front door that you don’t have plastic grocery bags at the checkout?  It’s so fun buying an entire cart of crap only to find out at checkout that you either buy a blue bag or plan on filling your 3rd row seating with batteries, candles, vases, lamps, and more.

Thanks again.  See you next weekend.

PS:  apparently someone sh*t in the Wheaties of the lady working in the kitchen cabinet department.   Tell her that I am sorry for bothering her and requiring her to do her job.  My bad.

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16 Comments leave one →
  1. February 16, 2010 9:40 am

    I have to admit that I am somewhat jealous that you even have an Ikea. The closest Ikea to where we live is 5 hours away!

    And they have some cute stuff… the vast majority of which is only available “in store.”

    So, for me, I would take all the “bad” Ikea has, just to have one. Although, the bad things do sound rather annoying!

  2. Andrea permalink
    February 16, 2010 10:33 am

    I totally agree with you about the cart thing. Maybe I should write them a letter. I always start limping after 15 mins of pushing those horrible things around. The design is awful for the knees and hips. I loved the IKEA’s in Europe. They always had stands outside selling warm waffles, beignets and crepes. Made up for the horrible carts!

    • Tickled Pink Twice permalink*
      February 16, 2010 6:45 pm

      Europe in general sounds so nice. Kevin keeps talking about investing in a flat somewhere soon. I would love to get some waffles or crepes right now.

      I could imagine how the carts treat you too. My right hip always hurts but I’m sure the carts don’t make it any better. We need to get a petition to “Loose the Ikea Carts” together.

  3. February 16, 2010 10:38 am

    Too Funny!

    Thanks for stopping in, and I am getting around to returning the favor.

    I am also a deprived soul who is without an Ikea. 😦 But your PS about the lady in cabinets CRACKED ME UP! Why do people who work in customer service act like it is such an effort to be nice? Never makes sense to me….

    Also, Mexican Coke – is WONDERFUL. It is Coke like it used to be back in the 80’s. You know, before the NEW Coke, then Coke Classic, and all the stuff they’ve tried since. It is made with SUGAR CANE instead of corn syrup – and tastes divine. If you have a Latino grocery store in your area, I bet they carry it. I found my last batch at our local Sam’s Club where it was sold by the case!

    Try it and let me know your thoughts! 🙂

  4. February 16, 2010 10:50 am

    Hah, I agree with pretty much everything here! I adore IKEA and everything they sell (our living room could be a picture from one of their catalogues…..when it’s clean) but the store drives me crazy most of the time.

    And I make sure I have my own writing utensil…

  5. February 16, 2010 12:43 pm

    DItto on Melissa’s post… I WISH we had one closer. HOWEVER, thanks for reminding me I’m not missing much! And, when I did purchase stuff there, I was single and had to put all the s#it together my self! Love the crap in the Wheaties visual. Why do they KEEP these damn employees, in this economy you’d think all store would only staff the best of the best!?! I don’t get it. WIll be following, and laughing with, you!

    • Tickled Pink Twice permalink*
      February 16, 2010 6:43 pm

      I’m married and the hubby still doesn’t put anything together. I’m pretty sure I put all things baby together except we tag teamed the crib. He would just end up getting mad and threatening to take it back. I can’t stand grumpy employees anywhere. Love your job or give it to someone who needs it! Thanks for always coming back…I’m always stalking your site. You and the hubby are hilarious!

  6. February 16, 2010 12:59 pm

    LOLOLOL okay you MADE my morning! Though I LOVE Ikea, I totally agree with you on ALL THESE aspects! LOL! I HATE their flipping carts WITH A PASSION! I also despise the “you must buy a bag” scenario as well. Thanks for the awesome post!!

    • Tickled Pink Twice permalink*
      February 16, 2010 6:40 pm

      I’m glad I made your morning. I think I should send this letter to Ikea. I’m glad I’m not the only one that HATES those darn carts.

  7. February 16, 2010 1:46 pm

    Good post. It made me laugh, and I can relate. Stopping by from SITS- I’ll have to check back again!

    • Tickled Pink Twice permalink*
      February 16, 2010 6:39 pm

      I was pretty sure most moms could relate! Thanks for stopping by and come back soon!

  8. February 16, 2010 9:08 pm

    I too am over the innovative store design. Just let me get in and out with what I want already! This was cool in 1995, today – not so much.

    Also I’m pretty sure my daughter picked up a stomach flu in their SMALAND play area. NOT COOL!

  9. February 16, 2010 9:32 pm

    total ikea envy – our closest one is 3 1/2 hrs away and I went and drooled over a new dining room table that would cost more to get home than it would to buy… hoping to con a friend with a big truck into doing a road trip with me to get my fix…

    but ITA about the carts.. and they need something kid friendly too!

  10. February 16, 2010 10:28 pm

    You are right on with IKEA! I don’t live near one anymore, and unfortunately my husband hates the store (I think because you do have to put it all together your self…which I thought was part of the joy of getting married – someone else to do it!)

  11. February 17, 2010 9:23 am

    LOL You hit the nail right on the head! I too love/hate Ikea. Thanks for stopping by my blog via SITS. Its always great to get comments. :o)

  12. February 17, 2010 10:24 am

    That was such a great letter! We have one nearby and it drives me nuts too!

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